2010: Cleansing, Cleaning & Organizing

So, we are well into the first month of the year. Yea! As I have mentioned-in part-before, our goal for 2010 is cleansing, cleaning & organizing.

Cleansing
The dictionary defines this as: To free from dirt, defilement, or guilt; to purge or clean. And, that is exactly what the idea is. Scott & I have begun cleansing our bodies of highly processed, high calorie foods. Of course, we haven't arrived at the zero mark on that, but we are on that road and have made progress. Scott has cut down substantially on his carbonated drinks (Coke & Pepsi being the favorite). His stomach has decreased so much...I had no idea that would make such a huge difference! I have started eating oranges as snacks...I used to hate oranges, but for some reason now they fit me quite nicely. We also got a treadmill, stationary bike, and Wii Fit for Christmas, so we'll be integrating that into our daily lives. Scott hasn't used any of the equipment, but his job is exercise enough! I don't let one day pass without doing one of them, even if it's just for 10 minutes. My goal though is to increase my 30 minutes to an hour a day for 6 consecutive days. Other than the physical cleansing, our most important cleansing we're targeting is spiritually, emotionally and mentally. We want to focus on furthering ourself spiritually in many areas...we're still trying to figure out in what direction, but there are a few directions available. Emotionally, we're trying to cleanse some things in our marriage and relationships with family & friends. Even when you have a 'good thing going', there is always room to work on being more attentive, more understanding, and more flexible without stepping over your (or others) boundaries. Mentally, we are working towards not stressing so much on finances, schedules, jobs, etc. I have made 2009 & 2010 a time of discovery. I want to (& have been) really searching within myself to find root causes, more information, and a good management plan for my OCD. In all the 25 (yes, 25!) years I've had this, I have been so embarrassed to even look into the issue. It is the type of disorder that is not easy to talk about. Although many people think it's a leg of being insane, it's not. OCD is chemical, physiological. It's basically where certain receptors in the brain are not functioning correctly. This causes many reactions, especially for serotonin levels. I used to feel so "crazy" for having this, but have found many people deal with this: Justin Timberlake, David Beckham, Leo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Alba, Alec Baldwin, Woody Allen, Fred Durst, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, Billy Bob Thornton, and many others. I read something interesting that explained that some cases of OCD were a result of having strep throat. I cannot remember the specifics, but they tied in together. And, when I was young, I had strep numerous times. Anyway, I plan to face this head on and Scott has agreed to support me (as if there was a doubt)!

Cleaning
We are off to a great start with the cleaning! Scott & I have cleaned our master bathroom, tv room, & living room. Coming up in early February is the dreaded garage! We want to rid ourselves of any unnecessary possessions and also anything that ties us to any unpleasantness in our past. We are cleaning off (& out) anything that was a part of our old life and keeping only the things of use and things of great memories. We have been living in excess for too long. It's time to simplify!

Organizing
Organizing is basically under the category of cleaning, but it warrants a special mention anyway. Scott & I have 'cleaned' in the past, but have not quite gotten the organizing down yet. We tend (especially me) to not rid us of, but shift things from place to place. If it doesn't have a use, it won't have a home and without a home, it's gone! Organizing also constitutes our lives in general. Some weeks are like a chaotic mess! We have so many things going on from week to week and it's time to cut away the unnecessary things and focus on what's important. Last year I realized the importance of taking time for ourselves and not feeling guilty about it! That was a difficult lesson to learn, but needed. There was a span of several months where Scott & I had just about, sometimes all, the days of the week filled with commitments. On the outside, it looked like we were accomplishing so much, but on the inside we were exhausted, worn down, and dreaming of one night with absolutely nothing to do. When I started having health issues, I not only could not handle the schedule, but it made me realize what we were doing was ridiculous. We thought our heart was in the right place for many things, but if we're exhausted and dreading attending things then it obviously wasn't working out for us. Last year, I realized the importance of time. To take time for yourself, your marriage, and family is the most important thing to me now. I cannot give to others something that I don't have...and that is time. When I was, I was ineffective. So, we've begun organizing our schedules and priorities.
So, now that you all know our focus for 2010, I'm sure everyone has something they'd like to change in their lives. I have made it very evident that all these changes are NOT New Year's resolutions. I don't like those...these things were not something we came up with in January. These things have been in the works for some time now and our goal is to accomplish them and continue on the path.
 
http://www.ivillage.co.uk/newspol/celeb/cfeat/articles/0,,528719_685869,00.html

2010!!

Well, 2010 is here! I was not sad to say goodbye to 2009…it was a rough year! From beginning to end, 2009 was a constant challenge. There were a couple of great things that did come out of it though…the main one being strength. I began the year so weak in my heart, mind, and soul. Throughout the year, so many challenges faced me and most of them I was able to deal with. The others…I’m still walking with. There was a certain time this year that I am especially proud of. Scott & I made some major decisions in our life, personally and as a couple. They were decisions that involved things we had been considering for some time, changes we knew would be hard but better for us down the road. So, within a span of a month and a half, we stood up from our “sitting” position and got our “stuff” together.


There was a time during 2009 that I felt like I couldn’t function on my own sometimes. It’s so easy to depend on other people to help you through, but there always comes a time when you have to find that inner strength and stand on your own. So many people want to help you along the way, but sometimes they get too involved and the line between help and crossing personal boundaries becomes fuzzy. I’m not saying everyone who we sought or volunteered to help got too involved. So many people know their boundaries and respect yours. But, I was in a comfort zone to where I was allowing my personal boundaries to be crossed…letting others in a little too much. I believe there is an important and vital boundary in everyone’s life that should be respected and guarded. Not guarded as in hiding your troubles out of shame or fear, I believe there are some things that can be shared and some things that are just private. I know some people that are more than eager to spill ALL their heartaches and disappointments to whomever will listen. I have found that most of these people say they want help (and some actually do), but a big majority are seeking attention to fill a void in their life. These people don’t really WANT to be helped. They merely want to feel like others care about them and this is the only way they know to have that expressed to them.

What is so frightening is that there are people on the receiving end that enjoy being needed. Everyone wants to feel needed, but I’m talking about people who thrive on the situations and almost ask for them. These are the type of people who want to know your hurts and fears so badly that they try to trigger or pull any bit of raw emotion out of you, thus crossing a boundary. This type of personality is not only after the feeling of being important (needed to the extreme), but they are needing to feel in control of others. Like with an outlet, when these two types of personalities meet, there is electricity; one feeding off the other for emotional needs. There are, though, people who truly want to help you, but they respect the boundaries in your life as well as their own.

My main point in the last two paragraphs (I got way off subject) is that I didn’t want to become the “dependant” type person. I don’t mind sharing my feelings, but I do have set boundaries. Not until changes were made this year, did I actually learn and understand the importance of boundaries. I had no idea, in the beginning, what mine were. When you have no personal boundaries, others will cross what should be one not even realizing they are doing so. But, you can’t be upset with them…because you never made them aware of what was “off limits”. After learning and figuring out what suited me, I began enforcing it. Some people were a little put off by it and even questioned me as to whether I was angry with them or if I had fallen off the wagon of Christianity. If I were on the outside, I guess I would have the same questions. But, no I’m not a heathen or angry with anyone. And, this post is not pointed to any one person. Also, there is no one person I was having issues with…it was a collective of me determining my boundaries and applying them.

By having these boundaries, it has freed me in huge ways. I feel not so out of control. I feel much stronger in my self, my home life, my marriage, my family, and most importantly in my relationship with God. I found strength and understanding. I found self respect and a deeper respect for others. I found that I have no want or need to be “carried” through life’s challenges. I found that I can stand up, and take care of business. As long as I seek God’s guidance and stay focused, I feel like I can hold onto this strength. I’m not saying asking for or receiving help is bad, but I am saying it’s bad when you are so dependant on it that you don’t even know or try to face challenges on your own.

So, I’m looking forward to 2010. I feel excited…like here is a new adventure. This year, Scott & I decided to work on communicating and cleansing. Communicating is self-explanatory. Cleansing…we plan to clean out everything! Cleaning not only in our home, but within ourselves. There are so many thoughts and feelings we’ve held onto for so long…they shouldn’t be an issue in our lives when in reality they are all in the PAST. We’re just getting rid of all the trash or things we’ve held onto that have no purpose in our lives. So, on to a great new year!!

Christmas: Merry & Bright

Why is there such stress around Christmas? Yes, I understand all the presents to buy, the money spent, preparing the house for guests, and the family conflicts. But, why does it have to be that way? Is this Satan’s way of changing our focus from the true reason for Christmas? Is he scrambling our minds with worry and anxiety so we will be too busy to recognize why we celebrate Christmas to begin with? Why do we give each other presents? Shouldn’t we be giving the church or charities the presents? Instead, the people with an abundance of money give each other a present for having a good year, or worse, trying to one-up each other. The lower income people scrape by and sometimes charge themselves deeper into debt just to buy a few presents so their kids won’t be disappointed. Companies take advantage of the gift giving by giving their clients presents (incentives) to stay with them through the next year. They use Christmas as a type of marketing/sales ploy to get more money in their pockets. I think we should do away with the presents-I hope my parents don’t read this though. ;-) But, truthfully, some re-evaluation needs to be done with this whole present deal. This year, I have cut way down. I have only bought gifts for the children of our closest friends and family, our parents and grandparents. As for Christmas cards, we sent a third of what we did last year. I thought I’d feel guilty for not buying so many presents or sending so many cards, but I truly feel less anxious. As for the family gatherings, it’s too early to tell!
Moving on from the complaining!
I thought I’d note some of my favorite things about Christmas:

The excitement of waking up knowing it’s finally Christmas day
The memories of Christmas past when all my grandparents were alive
The memories of no family drama…when everyone just held it in (ha ha!)
The relief that I get when the holidays are over and I have actually survived them
The smell of the fireplace and the meal to come
The sight of all the nicely wrapped presents under the tree
The pretty table setting and decorations throughout the house
The time with family and friends
The excitement of opening the gifts
The anxiousness of wondering if anyone will like the gift you’re giving…then they actually do!
I also have to note (because people have been posting this question on face book all week) my most favorite Christmas present of all time:

I was maybe 8 or 9 and the Miss Piggy dolls were very popular. They were plastic with fake blonde hair you could brush and she wore a sparkling pink dress. I first laid eyes on her at Winn’s (they no longer exist). I begged for her for months. The thing was that it was the 80’s and the oil crisis hit. My dad was out of a job, but a kid doesn’t understand any of that. Christmas morning came and I opened my gifts looking for the Miss Piggy doll. I found her…kind of. My mom had hand-made me one. It looked nothing like the one in the store. At first I was disappointed because mine looked nothing like any of my friends dolls. But, within the days following I grew to love her the same, if not more than the store bought doll. She was made of a soft material, wore a pretty pink dress with ruffles, had blonde hair made of yarn, and big eyes with fake eyelashes glued on. This Miss Piggy became one of my favorite dolls. I’m sure if I had the store bought doll, she would have already been given away and discarded. But, the hand-made Miss Piggy that my mom tried to work on for so long without me finding it (which was hard) is still with me. I cherish her and will keep her all of my days. There was no love in the store bought version, but there was in the hand-made one!

In closing, I wish everyone a merry Christmas! And, always remember the wonderful memories of Christmas past and stop all the stressing and take time to cherish this Christmas!

Weekend Update:

Hello all! Today is Friday...yea...only 45 more minutes before I can go home after a hectic week! Here's the short version of the events this week...stressful! I had gone to the doctor last week to get my blood tested as a routine deal for a couple of the meds I take. I got a call from the nurse Monday at 11:30 saying that the doctor needed me to come in for more labs as soon as possible. That is always the LAST thing anyone ever wants to hear! She scheduled me to come in directly after their office reopens after lunch (I have never been able to get in that quickly). Once there, I'm in a room with 4 people waiting...they call me first even though I was the last to arrive. That caused my worrying to skyrocket! My blood was taken and the doctor came in to discuss the results of the last test. He was concerned with my liver...the enzyme count was not good! He scheduled me for the first ultrasound of the following day at the hospital. So, after a horrible night and next day (Tuesday) of worrying, they call with the blood results by 3:00 on Tuesday. I have never had results come in that fast! It turns out I do have an issue with my liver...but, it's not a viral hepatitis like my doctor was concerned with! It seems that, once again, my past is catching up with me! Due to my horrible eating habits and lack of exercise, mixed with my bout with alcoholism from years ago...my liver is screaming that it can no longer take any more abuse. So, all those years of thinking that I will worry about "it" later, and the years of feeling invincible, I have now realized why my parents were always griping.


Though, I am truly blessed that I have a chance to better my habits and stop any more damage from being done to my liver. The damage with the alcohol and the past is done, but I can stop any progression. I don't like having an issue with my liver, but I'm almost relieved that I have an explanation for the past 7 months of feeling exhausted, nauseous, and just plain sick. So, since I was out a day and a half from work, the remainder of the week has been chaos! But, in 30 more minutes I will be FREE! I love that Friday afternoon feeling of leaving work. The second I step foot outside the office doors, it's like the world turns into the scene in Bambi...animals frolicking about, flowers in full bloom, a nice tune in the air, and pure happiness and freedom! Although, once in the car I begin to list in my head all the chores and errands I must accomplish before Monday. But, still I have at least 5 minutes of pure bliss!
BTW, this weekend I have planned to craft my butt off!  I need to finish the Christmas gift baskets and frames & I will also be working on my ball tree (that sounds like I'm a man-hater)!  Ha ha!  But, it can be found on my sister's blog...Frou Frou Frilly (link to the right).

Thanksgiving...

It’s almost Thanksgiving. It’s the time of year when the leaves have begun turning beautiful, vibrant colors, a nice little chill is in the air, and the aroma of pumpkin spice fills the house. My imagination of this time of year is much more relaxing and peaceful than the reality. In reality, I only have time to view the beautiful leaves from my screensaver at work, fill the chill only for a few seconds while I dash around doing errands, and the pumpkin spice aroma…well, that’s my glade candle.


The longer I live, the more I see people (me included) rushing around trying to get so many things done and never taking the time to just stop and enjoy what is around them. Have all our priorities changed? Instead of taking a nice walk and enjoying nature, we tend to hop in the car and go to a movie. Instead of enjoying a spectacular creation that was just given to us, we tend to gather in a small space and mentally escape for an hour and a half. For some, the joy and appreciation of Thanksgiving has been replaced by becoming obsessed with all the sales and ‘door busters’ the next day…changing Thanksgiving Day to just the day before Black Friday. I believe in a good sale and all, but I was so upset to hear all the stores that are opening the night of Thanksgiving just to hopefully prevent people from being trampled and mass chaos from occurring Friday morning. Seriously, people are willing to risk others safety just to get a good deal on a tv or even a toaster. I often wish that Black Friday would be banned.

I was speaking to the cashier at Randall’s, an older man, and he was telling me how they will be open on Thanksgiving. I was amazed. He said that since Mr. Randall no longer owned the chain, that so many things have been changed. I remember when Randall’s was closed on Sundays and when they didn’t sell alcohol no matter what day or time it was. I believe Mr. Randall has some good family values.

This Thanksgiving, I want a few changes. I’m not going to just rush through the whole day trying to get the ‘next thing’ done…there will always be a ‘next thing’ to do. The reality of finishing everything you “need” to do is nearly impossible. If it is possible, are you killing yourself to do it? Will you be enjoying yourself and be at peace? This holiday season, I’m not going to try and please everyone…there will always be someone who is not pleased with everything. I don’t plan on impressing anyone…is impressing someone a show of love for them or a prideful expectation of approval for yourself? I’m not going to try and “up” one on anyone else. We all have our own way to give…we all have our own budgets, we all have our time constraints. I’m not going to try and be perfect…if my potatoes are cold I need to realize that it’s okay and life can go on. I want this holiday season to be different. I want there to be peace…peace of mind. I want there to be joy…to enjoy the Christmas trees and the chill in the air. I want there to be more love…love and appreciation for family & friends, as well as yourself. I want there to be goodwill to all men…not trampling people for a few dollars off at a sale, but to truly feel joy that even strangers will be able to spend time with family and feel love and peace.

So, here are just a few things I’ve been thankful for this year:

Making it through the ups and downs of marriage
Spending more time with family & friends
Spending more time with my grandmother
My sister finding a person to spend the rest of her life with (+ 2 cats!)
Adding Charity, our cocker spaniel, to the family
Enjoying another year with Ty & Gweni (our Chow & German Shepherd)
Being able to celebrate the 1st birthday of Maddie (our friend’s baby)
My husband & I starting our own business
My husband managing the business plus a full time job
Having peace of mind of more things than I had last year
Amid all the lay offs, I still have my job
Scott & I getting on a better track financially
Scott & I becoming closer
Having more patience (still need much improvement, but still)
Finding ways to de-stress my life
Writing down my thoughts (this blog)

In closing, I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving! And, when you are about to scream because your gravy is lumpy and the potatoes are cold…just stop, laugh, and know that it’s okay. Go outside and take a deep breath and feel the cold chill of the season. Pick up a fall colored leaf and bring it inside…let it remind you to take a break every now and then and enjoy what God gave us. Instead of catching up on your e-mails, take a break and bake some pumpkin bread or make some hot chocolate. Stop and let the family know to get rid of the computer, cell phones, & video games for one meal to be enjoyed and remembered until next Thanksgiving.

PS-Instead of partaking in the mass chaos of Black Friday, check out a great online shopping source: Frou Frou Frilly on etsy.com ;-)

Awesome Frou Frou Stuff:

There is an awesome new etsy store opening...http://www.etsy.com/shop/froufroufrilly.
You can find great deals on ribbon tassels and decoupage frames!!  They are all handmade and every detail is patiently crafted.  The maker is experienced in several crafts including miniatures, paper goods, and shadow boxes...which are still in the works.  So, check it out!!  Mention "life of the middle class princess" so maybe I can get a discount later...wink, wink!!

Have to's, Needs, & Wants...

We're already in the second week of October and I haven't posted anything for the month...so here we go!

I'm STILL working on the entry I'll post for selfishness...but, I've been really selfish with my time and haven't gotten very far!


My husband and I have had to work so much lately. He's juggling a full time job and the beginning of our business...and I'm helping some with the business and having to work a lot at my full time job. Anyway, I got home last night at around 6:30 (after leaving 11 hours prior). After my shower and my much needed 15 minutes of alone time to decompress just after walking through the door...it was already 7:30 before we sat down to eat! Thank goodness Scott took care of dinner...we had frozen pizzas! At around 9:00, us both being totally exhausted, we were headed to bed. As Scott was doing his nightly dance and about to let the dogs in for the night, I realized something almost too horrific for words...I only had an hour and a half of relax time for the entire day!!!! And, half of that hour and a half was eating dinner! So, technically, I had one hour in the entire day to actually zone out and relax.

I began thinking out loud to Scott (which he just loves I'm sure). For what purpose were we put on this earth? Was it really for the purpose of working half a day, sleeping more than a quarter of the day, not to mention running errands, etc. for the remainder of the day only to leave an hour or so of enjoyment for ourselves and family? How depressing!! There has got to be more to life than the "have to do" and "need to do". There NEEDS to be more of the "want to do". When I'm 70 years old and look back on my life...I'm so afraid I'll look back and say, "what happened to all the days I've lived...why did I fill my days with need and have to do's?" I'm so afraid I will be so busy trying to get everything done in the day that I will take for granted the relationships that are most important in life. I would love to be able to say when I'm 70 years old, "I've found joy in everyday I have spent on this earth and have not missed one special moment with my husband and family."

I have no clue as to how to make the latter happen, but I know I HAVE to work, and I NEED to take care of all the errands, etc. during the day...but, my hope is that one day I can just have WANTS and only WANTS in my daily schedule!!